Dear Kiss & Zutell— My son, "Jake" is a senior in high school and wants to take a year off before heading to college. My husband is really, really opposed. He feels if Jake takes a year off, he'll never go to college at all. Jake is floundering at school and I feel a year off is a good idea. Maybe he'll mature and be ready in a year—because he doesn't seem ready now. But our differences have created a war in our home. What do you think?
Proud Mom of a College Student?
Dear Proud Mom—
It depends. What's Jake going to during the year he's not in school? If he's going to lounge around and try to find himself, perhaps a year off isn't a good idea. But if he has to work and pay bills, it might be a brilliant idea.
I went to college after high school and loved early minute of it (for the most part). But I often thought that it would have been very beneficial to take a year off before college to truly appreciate college. Perhaps with a year of work, I would have had a better perspective of all that college has to offer and squeeze more out of the experience. (Actually, I wish I'd taken twenty years off and was leaving for college tomorrow!)
When they enter college, most kids have no idea what awaits them once they graduate. I didn't—and it was quite a shock! A year off can be an eye opening experience. Kids learn about responsibility, about job opportunities and about money. Many kids continue on to college with more awareness and more motivation to make the most of the experience. I remember a handful of kids from my college who'd taken a year off—even though they were only a year older, they seemed wiser.
But your husband's right too. Some kids who take a year off decide they don't want to ever return to the academic grind. It's up to you to set some rules. If you agree to give Jake a year to get it together, make sure you tell him it's only a year; and make sure you stay on top of things. Make sure you know the college admissions deadlines—since Jake won't have teachers reminding him to get his applications in. If he's living home, tell Jake he has to contribute to the household bills whether it's by paying rent or groceries—since those are real life responsibilities that await him.
In short, don't make it easy for him.
If he had any sense, he'd sprint off to college the next year.
Good luck!