The New York Times just published a front-page story about sexting, which began with an eighth-grade girl who used her cell phone to send her eighth-grade boyfriend a full-frontal nude photo of herself. After a breakup a few weeks later, the ex-beau texted the picture to another girl — who proceeded to forward it to her contacts, with a message that encouraged them to pass it along it if they thought the girl was a "whore."
How can you prevent your tween or teen from ever becoming a player in a similar drama? Here are some tips from pediatrician Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, author of CyberSafe: Protecting and Empowering Kids in the Digital World of Texting, Gaming, and Social Media, co-author of an American Academy of Pediatrics clinical report on social media released today, and the mother of 13- and 16-year-old girls.
Don't allow fibbing about age. Facebook requires users to be at least 13, but many parents let their kids sign up when they're younger. No! "You should never lie about your child's age," says O'Keeffe. "Once you let your child fib, you can't go back from that. Your child will always look at you as a liar…He will try to bend the rules every step of the way. It's one of the biggest psychological bad moves you can make." If your kid complains, explain why you're a stickler. "In life, there are some rights of passage," says O'Keeffe. "You have to be 21 to drink, you have to be 18 to vote. You have to be a certain age to get a driver's license, depending on your state. As parents, we have to teach our kids to be rule-following citizens." Also, do you really want your kids hanging out, even online, with people of all ages? "Would you let your 10-, 11-, or 12-year-old go to a party with older kids?" says O'Keeffe. "Would you let them socialize with older kids they don't know?" (As the new clinical report notes, 13 is also the age set by Congress in the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act, which prohibits websites from collecting information on younger kids without parental permission.)
Remind kids to slow down before they hit send. Then they're less likely to make haunting, hurtful mistakes. "Read what you say first," says O'Keeffe. "Don't just shoot from the hip. The idea is you want to teach kids to understand that there's no rush."
Make sure kids are savvy about passwords. Explain that they shouldn't share them. It's too easy for them to get their identity stolen — or to have "friends" send bullying messages under their names. They should pick tricky passwords and change them often.
Explain privacy settings. Kids (and adults) often don't understand how to adjust them on Facebook. Do they really want everyone, not just their "friends," to see every last status update?
Don't fall victim to the "not my kid" syndrome. "Parents today need to realize that their kid is just as likely to do something bad to other kids as to have something bad done to them," says O'Keeffe. "It's the nature of the digital world and the fact that they're kids. Our kids aren't faultless. They're going to make digital mistakes. We have to help them learn from their digital mistakes."
Tell your kids to be careful about sharing digital devices. Make sure your tween or teen understands that a "friend" who is borrowing a cell phone, iPad, or laptop can text or email a mean message under your child's name. It's impossible for parents to watch what their kids are doing at all times. "That's not realistic today," says O'Keeffe.
Require your child to "friend" you. "A kid who won't 'friend' a parent on Facebook, that kid is hiding something," says O'Keeffe. "It's indicative of the parent-child relationship."
For more tips about handling kids' relationships, check out::
What to Do When You Dislike Your Child's Friend or Sweetheart
What You Need to Know About Teen Sleepovers and Slumber Parties.
For thoughts about disrobing, read Nudity at Home, Revisited.