Ignore Cell Phones-Cause-Cancer Reports

Okay, everyone calm the #*%$ down.

Yes, as headlines around the world screamed, cell phones may cause cancer.

Let's tackle that statement again, this time filtering it through that thing between our ears our cell phone use may effect – our brain.

Cell phones MAY – might, could, possibly, perhaps – cause cancer.

And dogs bite men. The Yankees are a good baseball team. Gas is expensive. The President was born in Hawaii. The media is a bunch of loud-mouth alarmists all looking for the most sensational headline.

Like these bits of common knowledge, this is old – nay, decrepit – news. We KNEW cell phones MAY cause cancer. We've been hearing report after report on the conditional link between cell phone use and increased risks of certain types of cancer for a decade or more.

So the recent announcement by the World Health Organization linking cell phone with increased possibility to develop certain types of cancer is news because…?

I'm not saying we should ignore the possibility that cell phone usage may be bad for us  – although I wrote last week (not knowing WHO was going to make this pronouncement) we are likely to.

What I'm saying is, let's examine what WHO actually said. Let's just install a modicum of context here before we decide to overreact with a massive cell phone bonfire – since that's likely to produce more carcinogens than everyone in Madison Square Garden simultaneously sparking up a Marlboro.

WHO said what?

First off, WHO and its International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) hasn't published anything yet. All this hubbub is based on an 11-paragraph press release, linked above and here again.

Here's my informed, contextual translation of what the WHO press release actually says:

• WHO/IARC's actual, detailed conclusions (which no one in the media will read since it's apparent no one even read the press release) will be published in three separate future editions of the WHO/IARC Monograph journal. A summary of the findings will be published the July 1 issue of The Lancet Oncology and online "in a few days."
• And when WHO/IARC does publish, its conclusion will not be based on any NEW research. The "IARC Monograph Working Group discussed and evaluated the available literature" over a long weekend in Lyon, France. That's right – they read a bunch of other "maybe" reports, none of which has ever proved a direct, definitive link.
• After reading this other research, all WHO/IARC did was classify cell phone use as a possible carcinogenic "agent," along with 266 other substances such as caffeic acid (a well-known homeopathic antioxidant) and – wait for it – COFFEE.
• That's right. Cell phones are classified as having similar cancer-causing risks as COFFEE.
• One of these hundreds of pieces of available literature was of cell phone use up to 2004 – A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD STUDY. Even the WHO/IARC director, Christopher Wild admits "it is important that additional research be conducted into the long� term, heavy use of mobile phones." Duh.
• And we're talking about "long�term, heavy use." This old test's definition of "heavy use" is talking an average of 30 minutes per day holding a phone up to your ear over a 10�year period. How much are you on your cell phone every day? Not even close to that? And if you are using your phone that much, I'll bet again you've got a Bluetooth earpiece Crazy Glue'd to your ear.

Forbes' science reporter Matthew Harper breaks down WHO's math and discovers the potential increase in cell phone-related cancers in the general population is negligible.

So, since we're not going to stop using our cell phones, here's some sage cell phone usage advice:

Use a headset, drink less coffee and, short of research a bit more current and definitive, act as if nothing has happened. Because nothing has.